It’s the end of the year and there’s a lot of discussion about New Year’s resolutions. I have always loved setting concrete goals and the work involved in achieving them. I enjoy tracking my progress and monitoring my growth. The funny thing is that the path of yoga isn’t measured that way. It is not a linear process. It’s more like a giant field of awareness, where there are patches of light and dark spread throughout, and sometimes the field is lit up with awareness and understanding, and sometimes it’s as dark as night. When it’s dark, all you can do is wait, watch, listen, feel, and trust that the light of awareness will return.

I’m in an unusual place right now, because I don’t know what I want. The past year has been a difficult one. Many of the concrete goals I had set were taken out of my hands as the Universe shook them up and changed their shape and meaning. I still received growth and learning from the experiences, but it was not what I had chosen or expected. It seemed to be a year of things falling apart, and because I had formed an attachment to the way I had hoped things would be, it proved to be a difficult learning process.  I’m at a point where I don’t really know how to work toward something tangible without becoming attached to it. I know it has been said that it’s the journey, not the destination and that our work is not about receiving the end goal. I understand the message mentally, and I’ve had a few glimpses of really understanding the truth of it, but it isn’t crystal clear to me yet. So I’m not sure I want to put my faith in something concrete before I know I can work toward it without attachment.

What I am interested in, is cultivating a strong sense of awareness around what I’m feeling and what I would like to feel. I view feelings as energy, and as Hugo Cory states, “The way to attract potential energy is to apply its behavioral pattern to oneself.” So in wanting to draw specific feelings or energy toward me, I will resolve to first of all, be aware of what evokes the feelings I want to embody, and secondly, to create the space for it to happen. Then I’ll learn to trust my feelings as a guide in making the tangible decisions of my life.

Here is a list of the feelings I resolve to create awareness of and space for, in the coming year:

Love

Gratitude

Peace

Compassion

Connection

Faith

Trust

Truth

Furthermore, I’ll prepare myself for the lessons that the Universe knows I need to learn— moments of darkness, and the heaviness of confusion and loss, because I know the terrain isn’t easy and isn’t meant to be.

This quote by Hafiz, stirs a feeling of connection, hope and love in me. I’ll put my faith in the connection I have with the people I love, and believe that all the difficulties of life are here for our own growth and learning process. So whether I choose to set defined resolutions or not, I resolve to hold hands with the people I love and keep traveling through this field of awareness—and when it’s dark, I’ll hold those connections even tighter, because it’s where the feeling of love resides.